Author: shiroiketsueki
Title: To Love and To Hurt
Fandom: Weiß Kreuz 
Rating: PG
Warnings: shounen-ai/slash
Summary: Sometimes, we can never have what we want the most. 
Disclaimer:  Own Weiß Kreuz?  Nope. 

// I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, I know you’ll be a star,
In somebody else’s sky, but why
Why, why can’t it be, oh can’t it be mine…//

He really didn’t think it’d be like this.  Aya hadn’t spoken to him for three days now, not that he was talkative before.  Still, Ken missed the “hn” that greeted his “good morning” or the “Pass me the flowerpot” that happened occasionally.  Even the glares sent his way was bearable compared to this icy silence that now hangs between them.  He didn’t mean for this to happen, it was the last thing he wanted.  He guessed he was just too stupid for his own good.

Aya stared at him, annoyance clearly in his eyes.  “What do you want, Ken?”
“Uh… I was wondering, since there’s just the two of us, would you like to eat with me?”
“Because you know, food’s not as good when eaten alone, so what do you say?  I’ll cook,” Ken offered with a smile.
“Alright, just don’t burn down the house.”

What made him think that Aya would ever like – much less love – him?  He really had been blinded by his own affections.  The icicle that was his teammate had begun to glare less at the three of them, and had been more tolerant of the screaming schoolgirls that flocked to their store every afternoon.  He had even limited himself to a single chilling glare and thrusting the mop roughly into Ken’s hands with “clean it” when he tracked mud into the store from soccer practice.  Ken knew now that the change wasn’t because of him.  It was her doing.  Aya was spending more and more time with the girl and as much as Ken hated to admit it, it was doing the man some good. 

Ken smiled again as he ate, still hardly believing that Aya had agreed to eat dinner with him when he had the choice of eating by himself.  That wasn’t uncommon when Yohji and Omi were on a mission and they were left behind. 
“What are you grinning at?” Aya asked.
“Oh, it's nothing.  I’m just in a good mood tonight, that’s all.”
“So…what do you think of my cooking?”  Ken asked.
“It’s acceptable.  I didn’t know you could cook.”
“Well, I’m a surprising guy.” laughed Ken, glad that they were able to have a casual conversation. 

Ken knew he should be happy for Aya, he had found someone to love that loved him back.  But he just couldn’t help but be jealous of the girl.  He wanted to be the one to cause Aya’s eyes to light up with a smile.  He wanted to be the one that Aya turned to and confided in.  Ken’s heart broke a little more everytime he saw how the girl spoke to Aya with ease.  He didn’t know how she did it, but she was able to worm her way through all of Aya’s defenses and into his heart when the assassin kept everyone else – even his own team – at a distance. 

Ken couldn’t help but watched the Aya as the other focused on the movie that was currently on TV.  He was entranced, and was leaning closer and closer.  Before he knew it, he had kissed him.  Aya pushed him away and got off the couch.  Shock and disgust were clear in his eyes.
“Aya, I –”
But it was too late; Aya had gone back to his room.

Ken had been given a chance, but he had lost it, and now he was never going to get Aya’s trust back.  The redhead belonged to the girl now, they were perfect for each other, and even Ken could see that.  All he can do now is watch Aya from afar and pray for his happiness.  Because when you love someone, all you want is for them to be happy, even if it tears your heart and soul apart. 

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